I’m not even going to preview this properly. It’s pretty and mediocre. What I AM going to post is ALL OF THE FUCKING PUNS FROM THE REVIEWS.
The Ryse and fall of the Roman Empire
Ryse: Son of Rome is let down
Ryse: Son of Rome review: before the fall
'Ryse: Son of Rome' is a Trojan horse with no surprises inside (that’s not even the right fucking empire!)
Ryse: Son of Rome review: one long fall
Ryse: Son of Rome review: Tedious maximus
Don’t bother getting up
Fiddling while it burns.
if all roads lead here, it might just be better to turn back now.
You are not entertained.
These are all real, and on an internet near you. Games journalism: going down the road of least resistance. Fuck you all.
Well, the Xbox One is finally out today, and I’ve been previewing the exclusives all this week. Take a look. The verdict? Forza and Dead Rising are worth your time, and if you like FUZZY WUZZY FLUFFY ANIMALS, then maybe Zoo Tycoon is for you.